“I’m doing everything in my power to and make my relationship work, but to no avail. Everyday, any day I go to visit him, I either end up hospitalized, or with a swollen eyes because his beatings. I am tired of this relationship. But I am so confused on what to do. I don’t want to lose him. And yet, I don’t want to lose my life. Please what should I do to make him change from his abusive ways?. I am seriously getting tired of having my face and body battered, and the worst of it all is that I still Love him. What should I do?” Rita cried bitterly.
Quick question Ladies. Can you stay in an abusive relationship because of Love?
“She is the only girl that I have ever loved with my whole heart. When I first met her, she was an angel. But now, all I see is a devil in sheep’s clothing. She insults me. She laughs at my weaknesses, she physically abuses me. If I retaliate, I would be tagged a woman beater. Like that isn’t enough, she feels she own herself and can sleep with whomever she likes, especially the two people I once called best friends. I don’t know if I deserve this sort of treatment. Although she has begged and I have forgiven her, I can’t forget. There are times I see her face, and get reminded of the fact, my ex-bestfriends have slept with her. But I can’t call things off because I still love her. I know I’m confused. What should I do?”. Joe said.
Guys, if you were in Joe’s shoes, what will you do?
The truth is, none of us want what has happened to Rita and Joe, to happen to us. In a relationship, no girl wants her guy to be a John Cena, and no man wants his woman to be a Morgana.
It is unfortunate that some abusive people have taken beating up their spouses as a career. And they are hardly ever really repentant. They may later come to their senses and apologize. But be rest assured, they will do it again.
I recently witnessed a man beat up his wife. As in, beat her up with the baby she was carrying on her back. One would expect that, even though he is the abusive type, he would be provoked by his wife before she receives the beating of her life. But it was not so. This lady got it hot for asking him for money to buy drinks for the visitors that just arrived.
From what I understood from the crazy husband’s rants, he had asked her never to ask him for money in the presence of anyone. But even then, it wasn’t enough to humiliate her the way he did.
Let’s look at the recent event of a top politician’s daughter’s stabbing her husband, a top politician’s son, to death. Why? Because he was cheating. According to the news reports, this wife has been very aggressive as she had earlier bitten him badly for the same reason. She is violent. As such, her husband was asked to leave the house before she kills him. But he refused. Today, he is dead, from multiple stab wounds.
It is because of such stories that the elders say, my son, my daughter, look before you leap.
So before agreeing to a relationship, what are those things to look out for? Below are the things I look into before going into a relationship:
1. Does the guy in question beat his sister? If he does, then don’t accept such a guy. There is no proof or guarantee that he will not beat you up, after you start dating.
Guys, do you notice she’s very aggressive and always, seriously threatening to deal with anyone who offends her? Then stay away.
2. Does he shout at and insult his parents? Does she shout at and insult her parents? If yes, then don’t go into a relationship with him/her, especially one that will lead to marriage. If these set of people can disregard their parents, they can disregard you, and even your own parents too. And I’m very sure, you wouldn’t like to be with someone who disrespects your family.
3. Does he drink, smoke, and womanize? Does she party too much, wear skimpy clothes and flirt about? Then why do you want to punish yourself by going into such a relationship that leaves you with high blood pressure?
Now don’t start thinking you can change anyone from his or her way. We don’t pray that you get to your grave before you realise that you can’t change a violent/heartless person. By then it will be too late to change back the hands of time?
True, some people have succeeded in doing this through prayers. But it is an uphill task. Others never succeed.
4. A guy will only date a lady that wants to date only him. If he finds fault with the girl he is dating, due to the love he has for her, he will try his best to correct her (Though not all the guys do these, and same thing goes for women). A man/woman wants a partner that is straight forward, committed, faithful, and loyal to them. So try to look past pretense and focus on the traits you so much admire.
It is true that no man is perfect. But at least, there are men and women out there, who have those basic qualities needed to start and grow a beautiful relationship. And those are the kind of people you should look out for.
Blind and harsh love has put a lot of people into an early grave. So please, when you see that the person you are dating does not appreciate you, then you should pick up your things and leave such relationships. This also goes for guys whose ladies have turned them into punching bags and laughing stocks..
Love is Life
Love is Breath
Love is Free
Love is Strength
Love is Progress
Love is Happiness
Love is enduring
Love is Help
If you don’t get any of the above, then it is not love. Never force yourself into a relationship.
Ifeoma Isabella Okeke is a passionate creative writer and a contributor on Pelleura. Her work, titled, ‘My Legendary-Achebe’ earned her an award in the 2016 essay writing competition. When she isn’t working or glued to her books, she spends time thinking up new ideas. Her two novels, Moonlight and the Warrior and The Return of Ijele are available on Okadabooks. She is currently working on her third. Her life is indeed, her message.