Tosin is the only girl child of her parents. 34, single, a working class, and building a business by the side. Unlike a lot of the other parents in her neighborhood, her parents don’t disturb her about the urgent need to get a man, get married and have kids. In fact, they tell her, ‘God’s time is the best.’
Tosin would like to pack out of her parent’s house so as to be totally independent but she wondered who will care for her parents and very young siblings in her absence. So she stayed back, taking care of their needs as best as she could.
However, Tosin had hoped to one day get married and have kids. But sadly, all her relationships had hit one kind of annoying rock or the other. And from years of bitter experiences, she had decided, she’d not allow anyone to walk all over her again. In fact, keeping a relationship was no longer a priority. She buried herself in work and business, while still trying to recover from the hurt
However, there’s this next door neighbor who wouldn’t let her be. Whenever they ran into each other, he’d rap on and on about how he loves her and how much he’d love to make her his wife. He seemed sincere, even though Tosin knew she wasn’t interested in marriage at the time, as she was still heartbroken.
It was only five months ago her engagement to a guy she loved dearly was broken off. And it annoyed her that the so-called ex-fiance had moved on very quickly. In fact, a week after their break up, he had another girl he was to get married to. Plans were already on-going. It was five months already and she was still struggling to move on. But with this neighbor constantly on Tosin’s neck, she could at least use him to forget the other guy.
So Tosin said yes to his proposal of a relationship, hoping that within a month or two, she’d call it off and ask him to forget her.
But then, Tosin agreed to the unthinkable. She let her new boyfriend deflower her. While she was shocked at what she had allowed to happen, and still trying to recover from the pains in the V of her inner thighs, the new boyfriend was in awe, as he never expected a lady Tosin’s age to still be a virgin. He had heard about mature virgins but had never come across one in all his years of endless sexcapades.
Did his discovery make him love her more? To an extent, yes. More respect than love anyway. But after a while, that disappeared. He only kept the sex going. Outside of that, he was hardly available.
Every time Tosin paid him a visit, it was mostly about a quick romp between the sheets. It took her some months to realize, oga neighbor was out for sex. Nothing more. But she didn’t think she could stop him, or refuse him. So the sex continued. And with each sexcapade, her boyfriend’s love and care seem to diminish.
No. Her boyfriend wasn’t bad. In fact, she considered him a nice guy, in that he never hit her, he never abused her verbally, he never belittled her and he never took kindly to anyone looking down at her or trying to play smart with her. Tosin’s only complaint was his nonchalant attitude toward her.
Too late though, Tosin was hooked. She was in love. But boyfriend couldn’t be bothered. He’d go a whole week, sometimes two, without checking up on her. And then it increased to a month. Tosin was the one doing a lot of the calling. And even though they were next door neighbors, he was always too busy or too tired after or even before work, to pay her a visit. They were suddenly operating a long distance relationship.
These and more made Tosin re-think her actions. How could she love someone so dearly, yet he didn’t care for her? It took all her strong-will to start to pull back from the boyfriend and close her heart to whatever she felt for him. She reduced her visits to twice a week. Then, once a week. And before the boyfriend realized what was happening, her visits had become once a month.
The few times she visited, the boyfriend’s sisters happened to be around. Tosin would greet them and help with whatever chore or cooking activity they were engaged in. But she had it at the back of her head, she was only helping out because it was a good thing to do, not because she wanted the neighbor to take the relationship seriously and propose marriage to her. In fact, at that point, she was very sure even if he knelt down to propose marriage to her, she would reject it.
How could she marry and live with a guy who wanted nothing but sex from her? After sex, he’d suddenly become blind to her presence and act like she was never there. But before sex, he was usually all over her, being all romantic and mushy. She had complained several times, asking him to take her and their relationship more seriously. He’d promise to change but then go on with his nonchalant attitude.
During one of those once in a month visit, she met the sisters again. They were visiting. The boyfriend was washing some of his dirty clothes and Tosin was not interested in helping him out. In their almost 6 months of dating, she had only helped him dry clean his clothes, once. Or help out with the rinsing after he had washed.
Boyfriend’s sisters looked at her, then back to their brother who was quietly washing his clothes in a corner. The younger sister spoke, “You can’t even ask Tosin to help you wash. Are you afraid to tell her to help you?”
The neighbor smiled and looked away. He had always loved washing his clothes himself. Tosin said nothing, but remained focused on what she was doing. The older one among the sisters picked up the issue of how her sister was right and how Tosin had to plant her feet firmly in the family by helping out more with washing her boyfriend’s clothes. This way, she’d be taken more seriously and marriage preparations would be underway.
“If you don’t do it,” she said, “someone else will help you o!”
Tosin smiled. She may not have washed her boyfriend’s clothes, but she had cooked, occasionally, she had swept, she had washed the dishes, she had arranged the room a few times when she met it untidy.
If after doing all that, his love and attention still dwindled, why did they think washing his clothes will suddenly make him love her more and propose marriage to her?
She shook her head mentally and continued with the task at hand. Soon it was evening, and she went back home.
Tosin visited just two more times after that incident. And the second time, she had decided was her last. She was not going to continue with a relationship that clearly had nothing for her. The neighbor, she concluded was not a bad person. He just wasn’t interested in her. She was sure if he eventually met someone he loved, he’d happily give everything to keep the relationship, and the then girlfriend wouldn’t even need to beg for his attention.
She, on the other hand, was sure she would meet her own Prince; a man who will love and cherish her for who she is, and she wouldn’t even need to beg for his attention or commitment.
Are you in a loveless relationship? Or do you see the signs that your boyfriend or girlfriend really isn’t interested in bonding or commitment? Well, here is an advice from Tosin, “don’t hate him/her. But don’t be afraid either to take the steps. Walk away and never look back. The best is yet to come.”
You deserve better, and you deserve to be happy. Happy Sunday!