Relationship Hangout With Bella: If You See Yourself as a Grasshopper, Your Partner Will See You as Such

“I don’t like the way my eyebrows are laid out”, Miss. Yigrit complains.

“Oh, I really don’t like, how thin I look”, Miss, Sandra follows, “I need to add some weight so I can have more flesh on me. It’s the only way to get Mike’s attention”.

“Oh. I need to go gym some more. If I have some nice packs, Josephine will love me better”, Fred says.

Above is the typical conversation we have with ourselves, because we are always finding faults with our body.

A lot of us ladies, especially, have made it a habit to continuously complain about how we look. I remember when a friend of mine once told me that the only reason guys date her is because of how physically endowed she is; her round boobs and backside (Ukwu), are well pronounced. But she has one disadvantage; her looks. I remember she also told me that if it were only for her looks, men will run away from her.

Can I blame her? No. I don’t want to be mean, but the lady in question is just not the media’s definition of beauty, save for her hips and boobs.

And guess what? She knows. She knows that people mock her from behind because of her facial features. But she doesn’t care. The last I checked.


She told me, once when we had the opportunity to hangout, that every morning when she wakes up from sleep, she looks in the mirror, and smile, saying to herself “I Am Not Ugly, But Beautiful”.

You see, this friend of mine had been approached by men, mainly for the satisfaction of their loins, and that was before she understood that it was lust that brought them, not love. Besides, she saw herself as ugly then.

But since she started her affirmations of, “I Am Not Ugly, But Beautiful”, she cut off her relationship and refused to rush into another, unless the guy in question was the man for her – the one who will love her for her, not just for her endowments.

And even when she finally stood up to go home, I noticed the guys around were staring. It is possible, they were looking at her endowments, or, they saw something else in her, plus, her carriage oozed of elegance and confidence.

I tell you, no man in that restaurant could have had the guts to call her ugly.

True, relationship these days, is no longer just for the beautiful, the handsome, the tallest or the richest. True again, the love for material things, are on the high, but even then, there are a lot of men and women out there who would rather be with, or get married to a partner that looks and thinks beyond cute physical appearances, money and never-ending fun.

Also, a man or lady would rather appreciate a partner who knows how to be positive in the face of obstacles. They love a partner who wouldn’t run off at the slightest challenge and then look for whose shoulders to cry on, while throwing blames to everyone but him/herself.

The other day, I heard one guy telling his friend that if he wants to date or get married, he would go for a very beautiful lady.

I had to ask him, what if this beautiful lady doesn’t have good manners to those around her as well as good approach to ugly circumstances, what then will he do?

Well, he simply replied thus, “I don’t care”. SO IN OTHER WORDS, beauty alone is okay for him.

I asked the other guy if he would do same. He said, “No! I don’t care if she is ugly or not, as long as she has a good behaviour. I will marry her”.

From the above, you get to know, “its different strokes for different folks”. So if you do not appeal to Mr or Mrs. A, you definitely will appeal to Mr or Mrs. B.

For you to be happy in a relationship, you have to first learn to be happy with yourself, because being in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner would suddenly sweep away all your fears and challenges.

If you see your self as a grasshopper, your partner will see you as such. If you see yourself as a giant, your partner will see you as such. If you see yourself as beautiful, your partner will see you as such.

Believe me when I say that positive attitude alone, will pull to you, people who love you.

If you have inferiority complex, please don’t expect to have a partner who will suddenly take it away. Nope! And don’t think bleaching creams and even plastic surgeries will take it away either.

You are not Ugly, but beautiful. There is a saying that, “Monkey no fine but e mama like am”. No girl or boy, man or woman, is born Ugly.

Everyone of us have a beauty hidden in us, you just have to find out what it is and let it blossom. If someone tells you he/she loves your smile, then that’s your tool to win more people over. If they tell you that you’re a great cook, then that’s another tool to win more people over. If they love your confidence. Then you have another tool.

It doesn’t matter if you are tall, short, fat or slim, there is always someone out there who is just waiting impatiently, to meet you.

I learnt a valuable lesson from my friend. And whenever I look in any mirror, I smile and say to myself, “I Am Not Ugly But Beautiful”. Dear readers, you should do the same too. After all, “We All Are Beautiful!”.

Please don’t forget to share this post, you might just help a friend badly in need of this advice.



Ifeoma Isabella Okeke

Ifeoma Isabella Okeke is a passionate creative writer and a contributor on Pelleura. Her work, titled, ‘My Legendary-Achebe’ earned her an award in the 2016 essay writing competition. When she isn’t working or glued to her books, she spends time thinking up new ideas. Her two novels, Moonlight and the Warrior and The Return of Ijele, are available at Okadabooks. She is currently working on her third. Her life is indeed, her message.






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