The hardest thing on the planet is keeping a relationship. Starting one is as easy as A, B, C. Ending it is as easy as crushing an eggshell. But sustaining it is equal to grinding way in the mill.
That’s why running after a guy or doing crazy things to get his attention can backfire in many ways. He may show interest just for sex, or just to while away time.
The truth remains that, if you run after a man, he would not want you. And vice versa. It is human nature to want what one can’t get. Fact.
A woman chasing after a man will soon discover that he is running away from her or have accepted the relationship just for sex. Even if she’s not the demanding type, the boyfriend would still find a way to make her look bad and eventually end the relationship after he is done having sex.
But a woman who isn’t chasing the man, and in fact, gives him a bit of hard to get attitude is mostly wanted by the man. Same applies to women. We want what we can’t get.
So if you’re going to get the guy, keep him interested and prevent a dead-end relationship, I’ve come up with 8 bad-ass ways to do this without getting burnt, and seeing the results you worked for.
1. Dress Well And Care For Yourself:
No man will notice a woman who doesn’t dress well or take proper care of herself. Now while I do encourage women to dress well for themselves, not just for a man, you will agree that men are moved by what they see.
So if you care for yourself and dress well only for the purpose of attracting a man, what happens after you’ve gotten him? Do you relax on your self-care? This would be a huge turn-off. So make self-care a priority. And you don’t need all the money in the world to have good clothes. Simply put aside something from your monthly income so you can update your wardrobe regularly. Besides, when you care for yourself, you attract a man who cares for himself.
2. Occasionally Find A way to Mostly be in Front of the Type of Man You Want to Attract.
Don’t stay locked up all the time or go to gatherings full of the exact kind of men you don’t want in your life. Find out the favourite spot the kind of man you want hangs out, and visit such spots at least once a week for your regular alone outing time. You need the man to actually see you. Remember, you cannot want what you’ve never seen. Same goes with these men.
3. Learn Conversation Skills:
Learn to have conversations. One mistake some ladies make when a guy approaches them is gossiping with him. This is because they are good gossipers and unfortunately, it has become a form of conversation for them.
If a man you like approaches you and you hit off the conversation with gossips, he will definitely play along, but will never take things further than that moment. Why? He fears being gossiped about.
Learn to start conversations with how beautiful or dull the weather is, or with a sports topic you know well, or with politics and the happenings in the country and the world at large. Men are attracted to these kinds of topics and are attracted to women who make reasonable inputs in conversations surrounding these topics.
Of course, the conversation can always progress to other aspects of life.
4. Know What You’re Talking About (Enlighten Yourself):
It will be stupid to get into a conversation about politics and the likes when you know nothing about it. So if during one of your weekend solo outings, one of the guys in that location move over to your table to initiate a conversation, it is best you talk about what you know and be truthful enough to let him know you have no idea about certain topics.
If you two engage in an argument, feel free to pick up your phone. Go to DuckduckGo and search for answers to the questions right in his front. He may laugh or be forced to also get out his phone. It becomes like a healthy challenge that will help build engagement, fun and a level of trust with each other.
5. Be Jovial
Being jovial helps to lighten the mood. For example, you visit a restaurant where the kind of men you like hang out. Some might think twice before approaching your table to say ‘hi’. If you’re jovial in your response, a simple ‘hi’ could lead to an hour or two of a healthy discussion that ends with you two exchanging contact details.
True, some men are very bold and daring; it would take more than a mean attitude to scare them off. But then, not all men are that bold.
6. Keep Conversations Away From Yourself.
During your first discussion, try as much as possible to keep the conversation away from yourself. In fact, it’s best you do most of the asking while he does most of the answering.
Our words describe us in many ways. One trick guys use is to ensure they are asking most of the important questions. They get you to talk about yourself and then build more topics out of the answers you provide. And before long, he knows more than is required for a first or second meet up about you.
So turn the tables. If the questions he asks can be answers in a few words, answer them and then turn the questions on him. Whatever answers you get, build more topic around them so you can know him, more. For example.
Him: So Where do you stay?
You: Abuja. You?
You: Ah, I’ve been to Lagos before. How is the place now? And what area of Lagos do you stay?
Him: Errr… I stay at Lekki. Lagos is as busy as ever. The traffic jam is always there for its morning and evening shift. (Laugh)
You (laugh back): Exactly.
It’s a miracle how you live in that city. Hope your office is not so far from your residence?
Him: No. It’s just a few streets away. So when was the last time you visited Lagos?
You: Since the last election. I’ve left the place for you people since APC went mad in that state and caused mayhem.
Him: But the governor is doing well.
Her: tell me how well he is doing. Just list a few things he has done for you.
In the above conversation;
- He knows you live in Abuja. You’ve visited Lagos, and have not returned since the last election.
- She knows he lives in Lagos. She knows his residence is at Lekki. She knows his office is a few streets away from his house.
Presently, she knows more about him than he knows about her. And in the last conversation, we see she’s trying to turn the spotlight on him again.
By the time you’re done with a conversation like this, you would have known if he is the kind of man you’ll love to have a conversation with again and probably say yes to if he asks for a date.
On his side, he would go home thinking how you know so much about him and yet he knows so little about you. It would make him want to initiate more conversation and ask deep questions.
Remember to Always answer abruptly and flip the table. You’re still getting to know him. This might drive him nuts but it will make him always come running back to you.
7. Don’t Always Be Available and Don’t Be Desperate.
Don’t go to your hangout spot all the time. And when you eventually meet someone there, don’t run to them all the time. Continue to have your once a week alone time, and work hard at your job or business and grow.
Always being available brings about ‘see finish’ and many unhealthy problems.
Also, being desperate gives off a wrong signal to the men around you, and before long, they are playing games with you just to get in your pants.
You need to let him know, through actions and words, that you’re not desperate, and that you can actually live well without him.
8. Don’t Act Like a Wild Animal and Yet, Don’t Act Timid.
Some men are mostly attracted to women who aren’t wild in their ways, while some others love timid ladies because to them, she’d be easy to bed and control, and there would be no protest.
You aren’t after a man who wants sex only, or a man who thinks he can and should control you. You want a partner you can rub minds with, so be yourself. Let him know that you’re not rude or wild and that you’re not timid either. That you can stand up for yourself and still be sane.
9. Practice Real Feminism (Not the Hogwash We Have These Days)
Practice real feminism. It is unfortunate feminism has been turned into a hate thing by a lot of women. But being a feminist is asking to be treated equally. It is asking to have opportunities just as the male folks do. It is never about hate and war with members of the opposite sex.
Treat him the way you want to be treated. At the same time, let him know you don’t buy into certain things that put down the women folks like they have no feelings at all. Let him know you believe in shared responsibility, and respect for members of both sexes.
10. Have Your Own Money.
If you both hang out at the restaurant, offer to pay the bills too. Don’t be a financial burden; asking for money every day and spending it carelessly. If he decides to spend money on you, let him do that of his own free will without sex being involved.
A man who doesn’t really love you will ask you for money instead and will never buy you anything.
Again, a man who doesn’t love you can decide that sex with you will be his only reason to spend his hard-earned money on you.
You need to be vigilant and ensure sex is not placed at the forefront of your relationship because it could really deceive you into thinking he cares when in reality, he doesn’t.
When you do this, you’re able to walk away from a guy you know will waste your time, and stick with a guy you know really wants something special with you.
There are men out there who spend money on their woman or a woman they want. And they do this because they care, not because they want anything less than a beautiful relationship.
As much as all of the above sound great, pleass do not forget to put God first. Prayers is the one thing that will guide you rightly away from a wrong choice.