Sex! You will wonder at the kind of things it pushes people to do.
According to Mariella Frostup on the guardian – Sex is like cooking dinner: no matter how enjoyable the end product, there are times when you don’t feel like the effort.
I came across this story on Nairaland, and I almost wept. It is quite sad to see that most of the comments made in the thread are judgmental and against the woman who is the unfortunate victim in this story. And it baffles me to think that Domestic Violence would never really be frowned at in our society.
It is not in all cases that the woman must have done something to spark up the aggressive side of the man, or done something which must have moved him to action. However, on no condition should a man hit a woman. It has been said that ‘women are the weaker sex’. To me, that doesn’t matter.
What matters is our ability to relate to each other, male or female, in a peaceful way, and not like animals. The woman in the picture above was brutally battered by her ‘husband’, not a rapist. This left her with missing tooth, some cuts on her skin and blood around her body. And what some Nigerians could say is ‘Why did she refuse her husband sex?’ have we considered asking ‘Why he has to beat her because she refused him sex?’
See some comments from Nairalanders below:
These are just a few screenshots. Surprisingly ‘sex’ is a hushed topic in this part of the world. Not many people want to talk about it. They believe it’s a sacred thing. And I agree. But when it starts becoming a reason for constant problems between couples, then it needs to be treated.
Have you considered if the woman in the picture refused her husband sex because;
- SEX ISN’T AS EXCITING AS IT USED TO BE; a lot of married women, see sex as simply making sure the man gets satisfied whereas she gets nothing. Sex should be enjoyable between couples. They should always look forward to it. However, in a situation whereby it is only the man that looks forward to getting satisfied, it becomes an issue of selfishness. The woman in the picture may see sex as a duty she is to fulfill as a wife. And since the religious books confirm that the woman shouldn’t deny her husband sex, she would feel she has no choice but to succumb to the yearnings of the man, even when she doesn’t feel like it. That’s selfish! And love isn’t selfish.
- MARRIAGE ISN’T THRILLING ANYMORE; when a woman who initially gets all the attention she needs from her husband even without asking, notices a decline and the man pays her attention only when it’s time to have sex, the woman may feel used. Also, a situation whereby the man constantly beats/abuse the woman, the woman may likely refuse her husband of sex because she feels unloved and not respected.
- STRESS; a woman who is probably a career woman, mother, the sole provider of the home may find sex un-exciting and rigorous. When one is under stress, the body automatically shuts down regardless of whatever one does to stay active. You can’t expect a woman who spends 10 hours at work, 2 hours in traffic, 3 hours to care for her children and husband, to still function properly in bed.
It is really not fair when the woman is subjected to this kind of humiliation by the man simply because his sexual needs weren’t met.
- LACK OF CONNECTION; most men find it difficult to read their spouse’s mind. They just want to have sex with the woman and go to sleep. It’s not done. Women are emotional so they relate to sex emotionally. That is, whenever it comes to sex, they become emotional. When men start seeing ‘sex’ as a means of connecting to their women, or as a means of reading their partner’s mind, only then will a woman not refuse her husband sex. For example; a woman who has been bothering about the financial up-tightness in the home may find it difficult to concentrate during ‘sex’ or ‘love-making’. She may want to use that period, while at it, to connect to her husband so he can comfort her. But most husbands see sex as ‘lets’ get down’. He doesn’t care that his wife is probably disturbed about something. He just wants to get on with his act and be done with it.
- SEX IS BURDENSOME; A lot of married women these days, see sex as a burden. A woman who hasn’t had her kids yet would see sex as a means to an end, while a woman who has kids may see sex as burdensome, especially when she knows what to expect from the man.
This happens when the man, during foreplay, gives some quick, dry kisses, and then rushes between her leg. He doesn’t change styles or the mood. It is the duty of the man to ensure that his wife, doesn’t see sex as a burden and something that is just a routine. Some women do not even bother if they don’t get to their ‘climax’ they simply just want to be done with that aspect with the man. It may be because the man is aggressive in bed, he isn’t gentle when it comes to love-making, or he isn’t skilled enough to satisfy her.
Some men, skip foreplay, and so find it difficult, to engage in foreplay so as to arouse their wife. Research has it that, “it is due to foreplay, that most women get ‘stimulated’ and ready for sex.” So a man that forces his way through without foreplay only gets to satisfy himself, and leave his wife bruised.
You might say, maybe the lady has a lover outside and the man was furious that she would sleep with her lover but not him.
If that was the case, then he should have just ended the marriage with her, instead of severe beatings.
A man who beats his wife simply because he didn’t get sex from her, shows that there is more to the story because it is only an animal, that would batter a woman this way. Let us say no to brutality it is entirely wrong. Instead of beatings, things like this should be settled amicably.
About The Writer
Funmi Akintade is a Freelance writer and reviewer for Pelleura, and a host of other blogs. She attended FGGC, Bwari, Abuja. and presently lives there. She loves reading writing, music and anything art.